What It Takes to Become a Grill Master

Summer is upon us, and everybody knows what that means. Sunscreen. Shorts. And more sunscreen. And of course, the grill. Are you going to settle for another summer of overcooked burgers, burned veggies, and excuses? Or are you ready to take the next step and become a Grill Master?

Grill Master is the highest level of grilling excellence that can be achieved, and while there is no official certification process, you’ll know one when you see one. There are qualities and tools that all Grill Masters share, and while possessing these things doesn’t automatically make you a Grill Master, it’s a good place to start. Here’s what you’ll need to become a Grill Master.

The Right Grill

There’s an old Grill Master saying: Spark the charq. Pass on gas. When it comes to grilling excellence, a charcoal grill is the only way to go. Don’t bring gas to a charcoal party, or you’ll get burned.

Apron

Keeping the grease off your clothes is an apron’s number one function, but a close second is to make you look stylish. Bonus points if it makes you seem like a different animal.

Hat

Keep your hair out of the food, keep your head warm, and always keep your enemies guessing.

Beer

At least one of a Grill Master’s hands must always be holding a beer. It doesn’t matter what kind, as long as it’s cold and not Bud Light Lime.

A Nickname

Every Grill Master needs a clever nickname, and it can’t be Grill Master. The Armagrillo, Grillionaire, grill.i.am, Grilliam Shatner, and Avgrill Lavigne are just a few examples of good Grill Master nicknames. Choose wisely, as nicknames are for life. Another good one is Grillbo Baggins.

A Catchphrase

A great catchphrase needs to be short, sweet, and to the point. “Grillaxin’,” gets across that you’re grillin’ and relaxin’. “Grillbracadabra,” lends an air of magic and mystery to your grilling. And, “I poisoned your food,” is not a good catchphrase.

Lighter

Duh.

A Positive Attitude

This is probably the most important element required of a Grill Master. Put a smile on your face and remember, if you grill it, it is no dream.

Fire Extinguisher

This one’s probably slightly more important than A Positive Attitude, and required by the Fire Department.

iPhone Charger

This is just always a good thing to have on hand.

With these items, and a little bit of luck, you’ll be on your way to Grill Master in no time. Grill on, you crazy diamonds.

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