Next Banned Dishes To Be Legalized

Now that a California judge has overturned the ban on foie gras, restaurants are free to import and serve the delicacy. Foie gras is duck or goose liver that’s been specially fattened by force-feeding the bird corn through a feeding tube. Opponents of the dish say the practice is barbaric and inhumane.  Wherever you stand on the issue, it’s legal for now.  Here at EAT Club we take no position on the morality of foie gras, but in light of its recent legalization, we wanted to highlight some other banned dishes we think could be legalized next.

Heel Lamb – Heel Lamb is made from the meat of lambs that have been forced to wear extremely high heels. This practice is painful for the lambs, but gives them extremely muscular and flavorful calves.  In an effort to make the process more human, farmers no longer require the lambs to wear tight cocktail dresses.

Insulted Beef – Insulted Beef is a type of beef that comes from cows that have been verbally insulted. Usually the farmer will call them fat, stupid, and tell them no other cows will love them.  While the practice is considered vile, it produces a sweet flavor in the beef.  Some alternative methods include complimenting the cows and then saying, “Just kidding.”

Pig Big Bang Theory – Pig Big Bang Theory comes from pigs that’ve been forced to watch hours of The Big Bang Theory without the ability to avert their gaze. Laughter can wear out a pig’s rib cage, causing the meat to be tough, so endless hours of Big Bang Theory ensure tender meat.

Traffic Chicken – Traffic Chicken is made from chickens that are forced to endure a two-hour commute each way to and from work. The anger and rage that builds up in them triggers growth hormones in their pituitary glands and increases breast and thigh size by fifty percent.

Football Goat – Football Goat is a notorious dish made from goats that have been forced to play professional football. The brain damage they incur from the violent sport imparts a fattiness to the meat. The practice was banned not only because it’s dangerous, but because it was hard to get football teams other than the Cleveland Browns to put goats on their roster.

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