It’s back to school week and all across the country kids are cracking open new school books, trying to remember locker combinations, and squeezing into uncomfortable desks. There will be valuable lessons and friendships and memories, but perhaps the most important thing about going to school is the snacks. The snacks you eat in school will stay with you for a lifetime. With that in mind, I’d like to present to you the Top Eleven Snacks Of The Nineties.
1 – Fun Dip – Fun Dip was basically just a bag of colored sugar. It came with a stick made from sugar as well that you were supposed to dip into the other sugar and lick off. This would last until you became bored and just ate the sugar stick.
2 – Fruit Stripe Gum – Fruit Stripe Gum had an intense tropical flavor that would last for about 7 seconds before turning completely bland. The wrapper served as a temporary tattoo, so you could put weird colorful smudges on your arms. Their spokesperson was a zebra. Sure this makes sense.
3 – Surge Cola – Surge was Coca Cola’s response to Mountain Dew. It looked like anti-freeze and tasted like citrus-infused anti-freeze and, in a pinch, could be used in the winter as anti-freeze. It was super popular.
4 – Squeezits – Squeezits were flexible plastic bottles of sugary juice. Perhaps teaching us that nothing in life would come easily, you had to struggle surprisingly hard to squeeze all the juice out of the bottle. As it turns out, the squeeze bottle was perfectly designed for people who only wanted to be able to drink 86% of their beverage.
5 – Orbitz – Orbitz was a weird beverage that featured floating, edible balls. It was introduced in 1997 and quickly taken off shelves when it became apparent that the beverage both looked and tasted like a lava lamp.
6 – Ring Pop – Ring Pops were one of the most popular forms of edible jewelry. It was a plastic ring with a giant candy diamond that you were supposed to wear and suck on throughout the day. It was an excellent choice for people who wanted their finger to be pinched and also become sticky with slobber.
7 – Nutrageous – A clever combination of the words ‘nut’ and ‘outrageous,’ NutRageous answered the age-old question of what would happen if a Reese’s peanut butter was haphazardly melted with a defective Snickers bar.
8 – Flintstones Push Ups – Flintstones Push Ups were small cylinders of quickly melting ice cream that you would slowly push up from the bottom. Wrapped in soggy cardboard, this was a treat you had to consume quickly, before it released an avalanche of melted ice cream all over your hand.
9 – Doritos 3Ds – This was sort of a silly name, since regular Doritos are three-dimensional. And all snacks really. And pretty much everything we interact with on a daily basis. Shaped like a weird closed-Bugle, Doritos 3Ds were always breaking in the bag, leaving you with mostly Doritos 2Ds.
10 – Airheads – Not a liquid, but also not quite a solid, Airheads had a weird taffy-like texture that caused them to droop slowly whenever you opened them. There was a lot of excitement surrounding the white Airheads, which were a cool mystery flavor. Looking back now, mystery flavor probably just meant the company messed up.
11 – Dunkaroos – Dunkaroos were kangaroo-shaped cookies you could dip in chocolate or flavored icing. Each pack came with about 10 Dunkaroos and enough icing for maybe 3 of them.